So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
