I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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