New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
