after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
