So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
