My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
