You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
