the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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