He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
