She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
