maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
