We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
