i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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