sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
