4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Can I color on your dick again?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
