I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just want to make out with him forever
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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