My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
