Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
