he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
