Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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