she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't deserve a penis
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
