Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
