I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
