I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
