It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
