i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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