false alarm. still invincible.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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