When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
