It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
