You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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