I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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