I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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