Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
