I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
