Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
