Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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