Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
