So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
