I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
