he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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