lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
