i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
