Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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