I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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