Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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