yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
