when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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