Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
