haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
