"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
